You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
