Pass out mid-funnel last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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