my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
