My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
