Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
