I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
