Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
