he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We don't watch enough power rangers
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
