so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
