She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
