I think my vagina is haunted
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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