I need to stop coming to work sober
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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