I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
