i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
