My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
