Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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