mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
