You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
