Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
