I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
