Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
