He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
