I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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