im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
