You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
