I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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