highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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