She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
