i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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