I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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