I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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