the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
