Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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