did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
