Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
