i think i have herpe
just one?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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