My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
