a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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