She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
