I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
