If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
