my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
