U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
