it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No subtext here. People are naked.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
