I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
