i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
