Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
