Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
