I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
