you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
